happy endings

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My story is not over.

My journey has just begun.

Just because one person couldn’t see my value, doesn’t mean that I am left with none.

There’s beauty all around me, but I’ve been too timid to live a life of just all fun.

But he makes it easy, he makes me want to run.

His eyes are like a supernova, right before it’s blast into oblivion.

Skin wrapped around me like the ocean waves crashing deep into white sand beaches.

“That’s my favorite thing about you.”

He says. I laugh.

Why? I reply,

“This skin of mine is flawed and scarred.”

And then, he moved uncomfortably close, and a feeling of safety filled my heart.

Kissing my forehead, his lips transferring all his warmth. He whispers,

“I love the scars and I love the flaws.

And more importantly, I love your skin because all of it is yours.”

Lion’s Den

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Lightning bolt skies

Thunder percussion when your hips thrust into mine

Fear and pleasure has since filled my mind

I wish I gave it all away to you

I wish you weren’t so distant too

I wish I could read your mind

I wish it wasn’t constantly on mine

My fingers explored the different textures of your hair, curly, coils, where my fingers glided through, it isn’t fair

How I traced the landscape of your body strong, skin soft, kissing all of your scars

That level of intimacy, the pleasure I know in my heart, I have no right to feel.

The taste of you has yet to drift from my lips

And the image of you, can’t seem to escape me

The bass of the music drowns out all the words I wanted to say, and all that remained was foolish nervousness and a girl in dismay

I got lost in time, it’s now midday

Oh I wonder, what would have been your response, if I said what it was I really wanted to say, asked you to stay?

The reality is, that you didn’t stay and you don’t respond when I ask, if you’re okay

And I shouldn’t expect you to give more than you’re willing to, for those reasons are yours and yours alone.

All I know is that I want to occupy that space again.

I want to get lost in it, I want to feel you all around. I want my world to be turned upside down.

Somewhere deep in your lion’s den, where I can take all of you, every particle, every piece and feel you bring light into me.

The boy who spoke with the Ocean

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Once upon a time, there lived a boy.

He sometimes wished he could be like everyone else. He wished he could live an interesting life. Live in the moment, be wild, crazy and humorous. But he was none of those things, nothing close to it. He laid awake on countless nights wondering, why does he feel things so deeply? Why hold on, when others so easily let go. Why did he care so much?

“I’m not special, so why can’t I connect. Why can’t I find someone who understands. Someone who listens. Truly listens.” He thought quietly.

He would go from home to school and then back again, except on Sundays. On Sundays he would explore the forest behind the white picket fence, that ended the property his family owned. His family didn’t have a whole lot, but they were content. The boy on the other hand longed for more. He would spend much his Sundays wandering the forest, looking for answers to his questions. Only to hear nothing but, the forest’s silent reply. Everyone he had ever met always fell too short of what he needed. He went on through life hoping to have his questions answered. Only to find disappointment and vexation.

One day he decided to run far away from home. And he did, he ran pass the skyscrapers that the touched the sky, pass anyone he would ever recognize. Now nothing that surrounded him was familiar. Ahead there was a field of tall grass that led him straight to the ocean. He sat down in the sand looking straight ahead into the immense sea. “I’ve been everywhere, met what seems like everyone, but still my questions go unanswered. Why must it be this way?” He sighed. Looking down at his feet, he picked up a nearby seashell and toss it into the the water. “You’ve come for answers, and it is answers you shall receive.” The ocean whispered. “You have been searching your whole life for an explanation to why you are the way you are. So tell me child, have you found your answer while searching outwardly?” “Well no…” The boy replied.

“So tell me, why have you continued to search for something in the physical world. When the answer lies inside of you? No two people are alike. Some are more connected to purpose than others, but if you continue to try and find happiness and comfortability in others, you will always be displeased. So look deep into my current and learn from what it is you see. Love, evolve and grow. But do not expect others to come on this journey with you. Because this journey was crafted just for you. Human beings will always let you down, if you attach them to your happiness. So don’t expect more, just be more and the rest of the world will follow.” The ocean howled. The boy sat confused for a moment, but then stood up on his feet, stretching his arms to the sun. “Thank you, great mighty ocean. I should be heading home now. I’ve got a lot to discover!” The boy said with a grin. The ocean smiled back with a crashing wave. “The sun will set tonight, but it will rise again every morning. And so will you.”

wise man

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He closed his eyes & let go of his hatred.

He closed his mouth & listened to the quiet world, that surrounded him.

He opened his heart & took off his shoes.

That day, he walked the Earth with bare feet.

He stared upon the sky & earth, realizing that he & it were one.

Give them a smile

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He stares into the mirror. Unable to recognize the man, who looks back at him. The joke. Dreary eyed, the skin of his eyelids so thin, they appear transparent. His lips stretched and black, form a smile curling to the tips of his ear lobes. His eerie laugh transitions from laughter to a painful screech, lastly fading into a soft distorted whimper. He knows that he must wipe his tears. “The show must go on.” He muttered. He applies the chalk white powder onto his already dried, lifeless skin. Smearing black circles around his eyes and red paint onto his lips. He smiles, remembering a time when his teeth were not rotten and his spirit was youthful, filled with life and passion. Those days are long gone now. A red curtain behind him is all that lies between him and the act. He exits onto the stage, filled with fraudulent laughter. The audience loves it, but does he?

There are no thunderstorms in California

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There are no thunderstorms in California.

Oh, how I adore the smell of the wet warm earth after a storm. How I would wait to hear thunderous crackle, to see the sparks forged from the sky. But nothing.

There are no thunderstorms in California.

Sometimes, I close my eyes and imagine your sound. I imagine the raindrops that would gently kiss my skin, opening my pores in the most delightful way. I would jump, puddle to puddle racing through the tall grass. Just me and the elements. Once the lightning struck, I would then run into a small stone home. Where it would be warm inside from the fireplace, just in the living room. What a perfect mixture of smoked wood and petrichor. If you open all the windows, you could get a view of the long stretch of land, never ending. Silently, I would watch as the Heavens struck Earth.

There are no thunderstorms in California, but when I close my eyes anything is possible.

Dear Strangers

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I have had so many love affairs with my eyes.

Direct & enticing

Deliberate & sweet.

In this moment, you have somehow become mine.

Remove every layer of cloth, while I trace my fingers along your scars, down your spine.

Allow me to create art.

Paint your body with soft strokes of emotion.

Water your mind.

I’m sorry, you like many have become victim to my art.

My body is at standstill, air passes through the lungs.

No sound escapes, but be sure that if I have ever loved you in any type of way. 

Whether forever or just a day.

You may never hear it from my mouth, but only know it from the words I write.

These words are mine and in this moment, so are you.

Too many lovers & somehow, still too few.