happy endings

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My story is not over.

My journey has just begun.

Just because one person couldn’t see my value, doesn’t mean that I am left with none.

There’s beauty all around me, but I’ve been too timid to live a life of just all fun.

But he makes it easy, he makes me want to run.

His eyes are like a supernova, right before it’s blast into oblivion.

Skin wrapped around me like the ocean waves crashing deep into white sand beaches.

“That’s my favorite thing about you.”

He says. I laugh.

Why? I reply,

“This skin of mine is flawed and scarred.”

And then, he moved uncomfortably close, and a feeling of safety filled my heart.

Kissing my forehead, his lips transferring all his warmth. He whispers,

“I love the scars and I love the flaws.

And more importantly, I love your skin because all of it is yours.”

is freedom far from here

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I go to bed, I wake up and it’s still on my mind

There are small spaces in time, like when watching queen and slim at midnight

Where I’m puzzled by the thoughts that drift by

Life is short and then, it’s long when we work that 9-5

I repent, I cry out, asking him to save me and bring me to the front of the line

Where the water is crystal clear and I know in my heart that my mother will never again cry

We all stand together strong, even though we are all broken and we have all been wronged

And it’s so familiar, but we stay sane

And we laugh to translate the pain and we dance and we sing

We call out and we scream names

We say, that we are indeed emotionally unavailable, dead inside

Quick to cut people out of our lives, use them for our own pleasure, our dark delight

But no one wants to be used, and once upon a time the abuser was abused

All they desire is to be the first and only choice

All anyone wants really, is to be loved and have that love reciprocated without uncertainty, without thinking twice

I asked everyone around me, who it is that they wanted to be

And my favorite answer by far, came from the elderly man, who said that, all he wanted was to be free

Dear Lover

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Please feed my soul or I’ll be forced to let go

Wasted are my thoughts. Thoughts of those who weren’t worth my time. Empty shells have come knocking, but once they saw my spirit they fled, leaving less than dust behind. There is one, who is different from the rest.

He does more than feed my soul, he nourishes my psyche. He loves me wholeheartedly. I whispered words of affection into his ear. And he asked me to say them aloud, strong and clear.

“Dance with me, transcend with me, challenge me, be everything I ask you to be, be more than what I ask you to be, be song and dance for not me, but for you. Be life and death with me, progress with me, kill time with me, intertwine both our minds for me, smile with me, cry with me.

For you, I would write a million poems because there are simply not enough words to describe the type of being you are.”

Some say the truth hurts and a lie is bittersweet, but I would rather you, be honest and kind to me. Say what you mean, don’t be silent because in this moment, there exist just you and I. In this space we share, this small amount of time. We are in unison in almost every kind of way. We are limited, when it comes to how long we stay. And he never calls me beautiful, because beauty never lasts. But he calls me, his and I tell him every night that he is mine. For we are flawed and free, but unlike our flesh, this love will always be.

The boy who spoke with the Ocean

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Once upon a time, there lived a boy.

He sometimes wished he could be like everyone else. He wished he could live an interesting life. Live in the moment, be wild, crazy and humorous. But he was none of those things, nothing close to it. He laid awake on countless nights wondering, why does he feel things so deeply? Why hold on, when others so easily let go. Why did he care so much?

“I’m not special, so why can’t I connect. Why can’t I find someone who understands. Someone who listens. Truly listens.” He thought quietly.

He would go from home to school and then back again, except on Sundays. On Sundays he would explore the forest behind the white picket fence, that ended the property his family owned. His family didn’t have a whole lot, but they were content. The boy on the other hand longed for more. He would spend much his Sundays wandering the forest, looking for answers to his questions. Only to hear nothing but, the forest’s silent reply. Everyone he had ever met always fell too short of what he needed. He went on through life hoping to have his questions answered. Only to find disappointment and vexation.

One day he decided to run far away from home. And he did, he ran pass the skyscrapers that the touched the sky, pass anyone he would ever recognize. Now nothing that surrounded him was familiar. Ahead there was a field of tall grass that led him straight to the ocean. He sat down in the sand looking straight ahead into the immense sea. “I’ve been everywhere, met what seems like everyone, but still my questions go unanswered. Why must it be this way?” He sighed. Looking down at his feet, he picked up a nearby seashell and toss it into the the water. “You’ve come for answers, and it is answers you shall receive.” The ocean whispered. “You have been searching your whole life for an explanation to why you are the way you are. So tell me child, have you found your answer while searching outwardly?” “Well no…” The boy replied.

“So tell me, why have you continued to search for something in the physical world. When the answer lies inside of you? No two people are alike. Some are more connected to purpose than others, but if you continue to try and find happiness and comfortability in others, you will always be displeased. So look deep into my current and learn from what it is you see. Love, evolve and grow. But do not expect others to come on this journey with you. Because this journey was crafted just for you. Human beings will always let you down, if you attach them to your happiness. So don’t expect more, just be more and the rest of the world will follow.” The ocean howled. The boy sat confused for a moment, but then stood up on his feet, stretching his arms to the sun. “Thank you, great mighty ocean. I should be heading home now. I’ve got a lot to discover!” The boy said with a grin. The ocean smiled back with a crashing wave. “The sun will set tonight, but it will rise again every morning. And so will you.”

wise man

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He closed his eyes & let go of his hatred.

He closed his mouth & listened to the quiet world, that surrounded him.

He opened his heart & took off his shoes.

That day, he walked the Earth with bare feet.

He stared upon the sky & earth, realizing that he & it were one.

August 3rd

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Warm summer evenings, with planes that hover in the sky. How subtle, it fades from pastel blue to a saturated shade of pink. If you are still enough, you can feel the light breeze. It’s instantaneous, but like the day, still warm. Hummingbirds chase one another around a nearby tree. The wind picks up its pace and blows more heavily. There are so many sounds, some can be described and some can’t. Now in this moment, I realize that this could be it, the answer I’ve been searching for. In this life, everything has a name and with it a description, label or category. But isn’t there a beauty in things that can’t be describe, a sort of peace in the balance of two things, contrary. Different, but the same, broken, but whole, radiant, but melancholy. I wonder, if some things aren’t meant to be defined, if some things need no explanation? If some things just simply are? I am now sitting here, on this patio watching the sky slowly transition from day to night. The wind now sings, a slightly chilled tune and I have been trying to figure out, just how to describe this feeling. All that comes to mind is everything that surrounds me. I sit, I type, attempting to write, but I still know not the words to describe it. And truthfully, I think I’m fine with that. Let it manifest and let it remain a mystery.

Siren

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If I could be anything, I think I would be a siren.

Without all the horror.

My sweet sensual song, would lead you straight to me.

Away from all the frustration, death and wreckage at sea.

I would call you to the large mass of stone, just slightly above the water.

Where I would then, taste your lips and drag you down under.